Broken For Purpose

What does it take to fix broken pieces? How can a broken individual become whole? A large part of my life dealt with finding answers to these questions. Growing up I learned how to wear a mask and conceal how broken I was on the inside. Past mistakes that I made even as a child haunted me into adulthood. Guilt and shame kept me from sharing with others the issues and strongholds I faced on a daily basis. I was truly broken…

I’m a son of a preacher, I’ve been in the church all my life. It was hard for me to believe and trust God based on experiences in the church and back home. I would often question whether I was a believer because I wouldn’t feel anything when the spirit was high in church. There were times where I would see people saved, delivered, and set free. I would often question why the same outcome didn’t happen for me. I possessed a lack of confidence, I became comfortable living in a low state of perverted thoughts and self-esteem. I kept secrets from others and lived an inauthentic life, I felt that if I exposed my flaws/struggles I would be judged and talked about.

When you are broken you want to see other people broken as well. It’s true, hurt people hurt people. I took pride in pointing out what was wrong with others, especially flaws that were visible. I would be quick to call someone ugly, fat, or lacking in some area. I knew my words cut deep and didn’t care how it made them feel. I magnified what I found to be wrong externally only to find that what I experienced internally was worse.

There was a void that I experienced for years and I depended on clothing, people, money, and talents to fill it. I looked for validation from the outside because I could not find it within. I thought I could impress others by what I could do or by what I had in my possession. I was an attention seeker but I was very cautious in letting people grow close, I was scared they would find out my flaws/struggles. I wanted to put on this persona that I was a “nice guy” and that I was different from other males. I wanted to show females that I could meet their needs by putting them first. I was broken and willing to put someone else’s happiness before my own. Females I was attracted to were also broken and we shared issues that hindered our commitment, communication, and trust. It’s true, “misery loves company”. It was very hard for me to stop this cycle. I found myself in various “situationships” because I was broken. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted.

What does it take to fix broken pieces? The key to this answer is loving God, loving yourself, loving your flaws, and then loving others. Things changed in my life when I put God first by reading his word and seeking his face daily through prayer. During this process he has revealed his plan and purpose for my life. In addition, I started taking care of myself by going to the gym on a regular basis. I watched how I gave my attention, time, and resources to others. I became “selfull” instead of “selfish” and devoted time alone to learn more about myself. When it came to my flaws/struggles, I embraced it and changed my perspective. I looked at my flaws/struggles as wounds and decided to let them heal. This process encompassed forgiving myself and others, not dwelling on my past, and giving time time. My wounds have now become scars, now I am able to share lessons from this experience. Lastly, I have taken time to learn and receive from others. I have gained friendships within this last year that will last a lifetime. God has placed people in my path who support me, pray for me, and speak a word when I need it most.

How can a broken individual become whole? By understanding that their brokenness serves a purpose. Your purpose or calling in life is connected to what you go through. God allowed certain things to happen in your life so you could draw closer to him and enhance your relationship. It’s important to understand the only way you’re going to know God is by him putting you through something. I heard a preacher say, “It’s in the fire where you truly get to know God”. If I wasn’t broken I wouldn’t be able to truly call God a deliverer or healer. I realized that my brokenness was intentional. God had a greater plan that overshadowed what I went through and struggled with. My favorite bible verse is Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” From Romans 8:28 we can gather that even the bad things that transpired in our lives were meant for good.

I was on Facebook and one of my big sisters posted an unbelievable message that I truly needed: “So I'm watching this bird that has apparently been trapped in this sun room for days...but if you look closely some of the screens are missing from the windows so he could easily escape. Have you ever been stuck in a place for so long that you didn't even realize you were free?”

Furthermore, she posted a screenshot of a text message she received, it stated the following: “And I was like how many times do we keep operating like we are broken when the issue has been fixed and resolved but we don’t realize it.”

My friends, we have stayed in this empty and broken place long enough. I want to share awesome news that was given to me by a phenomenal woman of God: “You are WHOLE...believe it and walk in it!”

-CHRONYBE

Here are a few resources that have helped me on this journey:

Book: “Becoming Who You Are: Embracing the Power of Your Identity in Christ” by Dutch Sheets

Youtube Videos: "Deep Wounds, Deep Healing" with Jentezen Franklin - https://youtu.be/fC49TR17yx8

“Your Problem Serves A Purpose” with T.D. Jakes - https://youtu.be/umHGnEjAF_s

Listening to shame / Brene Brown - https://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0