Singleness, Waiting, Dating & Relationships
- Matthew Smith
- Jul 21, 2018
- 4 min read
When will she call me? Will she ever text me back? Why haven’t I heard from her? Did I do something wrong? Should I try again? I’ve asked myself these questions regarding multiple women that I’ve pursued in life. Should I text back right away? How long should I take before I respond? Should I make her chase me? Should I give her time to miss me? Should I give her another chance? These questions I frequently asked myself based on societal norms and dating advice from others.
Why do we play these games when it comes to dating and relationships? At some point in time we have all over-thought a situation regarding someone we liked. Even worse we have based our value and worth on the response of someone we like. We feel that our lives will be shattered without them and this is never the case. Sometimes God will remove people from our life just to show us that we can make it without them. Too many times have I mistaken a resource as the source of my happiness. Contrary to belief, we cannot control the way others feel and respond to us. There’s nothing that anyone has that God cannot provide. Peace can only be found when we give our worries, sense of control, and fears to God. We look to others to fill a void in our life that only God can fill.
When I look at the state of our current society I realize that we have a distorted idea of intimate relationships. We’re doing relationships with the opposite sex the wrong way. There have been ideas regarding relationships that I’m sure most of us have heard:
You have to love yourself before anyone else can
No one can complete you
The greatest love is within
While to some extent I agree with these ideals it’s ironic that we often try to live out these principles without God. I propose the following truths:
You can never love yourself until you allow God to love you
God can only complete you
There’s no greater love than the love of God
We get so attached to people and never realize how quickly they can be taken away from us. Why do we hold on to others who have demonstrated a lack effort to be in our lives? Why can’t we let go when we know someone is not the best companion for us? Why do we put ourselves through cycles of hurt and pain trying to force an unsuitable fit? It’s time to be real with ourselves and let God lead and guide us in our relationships.
I think social media has jacked us up when it comes to relationships. Comparison truly kills our self-worth. We feel that we have to be like someone or with someone to feel valued. In addition, we feel that we should be married by a certain age. Or even worse, we feel that we have to post about being in a relationship. We’re advertising ourselves on a platform that thrives on comparison and self-centeredness. We feel that we have to highlight major accomplishments and successes for a like which boosts our self-esteem but sustains cycles.
What’s wrong with being single and living your best life? Why do we rush into relationships instead of working on ourselves. What good would I be to my companion if I’m still broken? What good will my companion be to me if they’re still broken? We ask for God to send us the right companion, but are we truly ready for our prayers to be answered? Moreover, would the person we are praying for desire us as a companion? Take time to confront your issues and your past. Dating can wait! Be comfortable with you first, live in your purpose. Pursue your hobbies and interests. Stop consuming your life with someone’s potential, you are at your best when you are focused on God. Learn more about him through prayer and reading his word. This focus allows you to assess your heart and align your life with the life of Christ.
In this season I’m learning to rest in the unknown. I can’t consume my life focusing on others. I can’t control their actions or be worried regarding how they feel about me. When it comes to relationships God has a way of leading us to open doors by closing the ones we feel we need. Conversely, we complicate the process because we keep knocking at a door that is "out of order" for our lives. Our inability to wait and rest reveals our distrust to put our life completely in God’s hands. Let God lead and guide you through this journey, he’ll never fail you:
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
But as it is written: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9)
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